What makes people happy? One clear winner is relationships. As you transition from life at PSU to life at “who-knows-you?,” the desire for life-giving relationships is one of those longings that will challenge you and inspire you at the same time. Living in connection with others is where we get our deepest needs met. Social psychologist, David Myers, has commented, “We humans have what today’s social psychologists call a deep ‘need to belong.’ Those supported by intimate friendships or a committed marriage are more likely to declare themselves ‘very happy.’ While our happiness counts for something, relationships give us that and much more.”
The Bible from start to finish is about relationships—most prominently, a relationship with God Himself. The fact that we have been created in God’s image, uniquely, with relational capacity with our Creator, is stunning. This relationship radically influences the basis for our identity and flavors all other relationships as we move into the dynamic, ever-flowing stream of life.
“If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” —Dr.s Les & Leslie Parrott
Being “in Christ” is the completion we seek and the confidence that compels us to love for others’ sakes and not ours alone.
Some of you have developed deep friendships here at “dear ole State,” and the thought of starting over may seem discouraging, overwhelming, or frustrating. Others of you may be excited by the new possibilities. Maybe you’re already Googling the top places to meet young singles in your new location, making your list and marking your calendars in anticipation! Most of you likely fall somewhere in between. There’s no “best” way to do it, but building new relationships while maintaining meaningful connections to your current friendships will require more intentionality than ever before.
When it comes to finding friends, three different connecting points give us a good start:
- Proximity
- Passion
- Purpose
Proximity refers to those relationships that share your “space.” Your apartment complex, neighborhood, or living space is one example of proximity. Your workplace, your coffee shop, or gym are other places where proximity puts you in the pathway of potential friends. Passions will also lead you to others with similar passions. Sports, sports teams, causes, hobbies, food, and fun are all ways you express your passions and likely will lead you to others who share those with you. Purpose implies that place where you will connect to others who “just get you” because you share a deeper motivation for the same things. A church or organizations like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Young Life, Food for the Poor, or any number of spiritual/charitable organizations provide spaces to connect with those who share similar convictions and mission.
Because you are also now entering into a multi-generational community as contributing adults, this is also gives you the opportunity to form three different relationship-types:
- Paul
- Barnabas
- Timothy
Pauls are those people who are a step ahead of you in life-stage/wisdom and are willing to make an investment in your personal growth. Barnabas’ are those peer-type relationships where friends know you well enough not to be overly-impressed with you, but stick with you and stand up for you. Timothys are those relationships that you are investing in to see them grow for their good.
As you enter the community world beyond college, expect challenges in this area of finding friends. I would encourage you to:
- Trust God. He knows this is a key area of your life.
- Be patient. Great friendships take time and a lot of give and take.
- Be proactive. It’s possible to be patient and proactive at the same time. Take risks and be willing to be the initiator in new relationships.
- Be persistent. Don’t give up or give in to discouragement if the process is moving slower than you would like. Push through the lonely times.
- Trust God. Just needed to say that again…
Now what?
- Create a Top Ten List of qualities that make great relationships.
- Create a Top Ten List of qualities that wreck relationships.
- Which list was hardest to create? Why do you think that is?
- Review the “Who Am I?” list and over Spring Break take some time to reflect upon how these truths impact your current relationships.